DISCIPLINE....DUN DUN DUN

I absolutely abhor disciplining my child. I always thought that when I had become a parent I wouldn't be the disciplinarian and I could say, "I'm going to get your dad" if I needed to. I just wanted to be the nurturing encourager who inspires my child to be creative, go on adventures and live life care free. Needless to say, That's not always the case and there is work to be done... Definitely working on it....I play the role of mom and dad so finding the right balance between being firm and nurturing has been a challenge for me. I talk with Onyx with love and care but not like a baby, I really try to appeal to her intellectual side since she is extremely smart but also due the fact the babies are more intellectual beings than we give them credit for. In one of my child development books it eludes to this fact and says that they're "little scientist". Experimenting as life happens, they come to narrow conclusions and come to create the world they know through their experiences. There is also a theory that says we come into the world "knowing" , we are the closest thing to God at that point, we lose it over time, and in life, are on a journey to regain that which we have lost.... I believe there's truth in both......I digress

Discipline has been something that I have had to experiment with a lot. Some say it's the "terrible twos" others say its a test. I can definitely sympathize with the latter. I have a strong belief that corporal punishment, popping, spankings, may not be necessary and can have negative effects especially if they're more of an empath. If your child is HIGHLY EMPATHETIC, I HIGHLY suggest coming up with a different form of discipline other.

Onyx has got me rethinking that belief at times.. but In all seriousness, finding something that works can get frustrating. Counting to three sometimes results in a game, she starts to count with me, Times outs- do give her time to calm down however it doesn't help with the yelling and screaming when she doesn't get her way or when I say "no". I even see the negative effects of time outs and how that may play a role in Erik Erikson’s second stage of psychosocial development, autonomy vs. shame. One may think she did get spanked based off the way she reacts at times.. There are times of such heighten emotion that she doesn't know what she wants. She wants to be held, when I hold her she wants to be put down, she wants to be laid down and hold my hand but wants me to hold her hand a specific way.

I honestly believe that once a trust relationship has been built with a child discipline is acknowledged by the child as "hey, I trust this person so what they're saying to me ( or telling me to do) is the best thing for me." The guilt left from popping or even raising my voice..it doesn't feel right with ME...I overstand the effects.

Spankings may have immediate results, I think about the long term. In Maslow's Hierarchy of needs there are stages physiological needs (food,water shelter, clothing etc..) ,Safety needs, Love/Belonging(friends,family, etc..) ,Self Esteem, Self Actualization (wholeness). It says that these needs must be met in this order, you can't get to the next without fulfilling the prior. I think about this often in my parenting techniques as my goal is to raise a WHOLE person. Another conflict for me has been the fact that I have biblical beliefs. The scripture "spare the rod, spoil the child comes to mind".(Proverbs 13:24) Another is "don't fail to discipline your children. they won't die if you spank them". (Proverbs 23:13) Another factor is culture and upbringings... we, as people, tend to pick up habits of what we have grown up with.

As a parent this has been a hard thing for me.. I have also looked at it as a way to grow... As she's growing so am I. At times I even think what could I have done differently to have prevented her from "acting out" or throwing a tantrum in the first place? Sure, its apart of growing up, however, there may be a solution to the "madness"... I had the thought that, "as parents our children have a lot to teach us if we allow them to." Especially in situations like this. I pray for patience and the balance in raising her. Also the grace to know that I may not get it right all the time and the peace of mind to know, I am doing my best and thats more than enough.

I must admit, sometimes I get overwhelmed and I am the one that needs a time out. There are even days and times when I have to just sit and cry because disciplining her can get that overwhelming...it is what it is. Finding something that works so that I can teach her the discipline and the self control she's looking for in this stage of life while not getting to the point of becoming overly stressed..Like I mentioned, I'm getting there...Learning to trust the process while becoming ok with being retaught

I must admit, sometimes I get overwhelmed and I am the one that needs a time out. I'm still trying to find something that works that can teach her the discipline and self control that won't stress me out to that point.. Any ideas... I loved to hear them.