This is Autumn…. She mentions how she has walked with grief her whole life but the reoccurring theme that comes up in her story is FAITH. She has so much more life to give and life to live.

 

It was a real rainy day and the diction didn’t turn out well the so for this entry I have written down the questions and response along with some additions and edits from Autumn herself HOWEVER there is some audio and the MESSAGE is still there. I felt it was important for her VOICE to be heard.

 

 

 

Mubinah Kengga: Tell me about yourself. If you had to describe yourself. Who is Autumn?

 

AB: My name is Autumn Barnes. I am 31 years old. I have a child she is 7 years old. I’m in a relationship with my high school sweetheart. I graduated from University of Saint Louis Missouri with my Bachelors  in Science  double majoring in sociology and psychology. I went back for my Masters and received a Masters  in Science for Mental Health and Wellness  with an emphasis on Family Dynamics . I work in field of Education as a program director for a non profit. basically what that is we are contracted through LAUSD which is Los Angeles school district  and we work with the youth and families that need childcare and provide services for children with disabilities. We also provide enrichment services for children and family’s in a school setting. I’ve been working with This company for years and I started in 2007 while attending California State University Northridge.  I moved to Saint Louis  at the end of 2011 and came back I 2014  so now I'm in LA with my family and right-now I am going back to school for my clinical to get my state license for therapy and  counseling. Ive been been working with kids for so long and families I think that's where my calling is so I want to make sure I’m well educated and using that to help children and families. I am also am a co-founder of a business called Happy Girls Boutique in Los angles  Ca. with my sister, she is the founder and a beauty with Brains.  so basically what that is is a girls boutique from ages 4-16. Happy Girls Boutique provides a fashionable age-appropriate setting where everything inside is designed with girls in mind. At our Inglewood space girls will have access to the latest fashion, accessories, and trends. Our mission is to provide a special place that celebrates girls and the simple joys of being youthful and an adolescent, Also being fashionable and making new friends. In an effort to promote the positivity, we offer small group parties and in-store promotional events. We take pride in providing an interactive shopping experience in an age-appropriate setting.

 

I believe in this generation we have so  many Mothers  trying to be friends with their little girls and girls growing up to be fast (not acting their age) and being introduced to stuff they shouldn’t be introduced to at such a young age . 

 

So its just a place where girls can be girls. A friendly and positive environment. Right  

now we’re putting together a wellness line for mothers called  Happy  Essentials and for all women around the world to help them understand the importance of self love, self care, and how important it is to surround yourself around positive and supportive people. Positive vibes are real and if you surround yourself around negative people you’ll most likely be one too. Knowing your worth and maintaining healthy relationships is very important at every stage in life. It produces an healthy environment within yourself and around others. We want to help women boost their confidence and self  love through daily affirmations of what we are as women. I am mother and  I hold many different Titles and sometimes we lose sight of ourselves. So this is a empowerment tool for women just like me. 

 

MK: I love that so much…as far as your certification goes, is that going to focused on children or adults?

 

AB:

Once I’m licensed its an open field. So with my private practice That I will be opening I’m going to focus on the family dynamic and 

Children. I really want to deal with children because there’s a lot of things that children go through that parents do not have the proper resources To deal with . I also have Interest in marriage and the family therapy but since I haven’t experience marriage I will wait until I’ve done the footwork. I’ve studied it but that is a subject I feel you can only offer proper  advice and a plan if you’ve experienced it but that’s just me. 

 I think children need therapy just like adults need therapy

 

 

A lot of people run away from therapy because they think “ oh well I’m just talking to a shrink” blah blah blah. And its not even like that… I spoke to one when my mom past away some years ago. I was still figuring life out and I had to grow up pretty fast. For me to take that in at 18 and being unexpected  was very hard you know I was fresh out of highly school entering college and to come home for the summer and spend time with family to having to bury my mother. It was unexplainable and she was my lifeline..

So I was just  finding out how do things by myself with college and work and adapting to LA  . Honestly I didn’t want to go back to school I had told my aunt and uncle I’m not going back and they said oh yes you are and they took my butt right back to Northridge. Some months into returning I took a turn for the worst and just didn’t have a care in the world. It was like I was moving fast speed and then sometimes days were in slow motion it took therapy for me to understand that can’t live like this or I’m not going to be living anymore.  It in my mind I was like my moms not here and the only way for me to see her again is to not be here too. So therapy really helped me a lot and I recommend those that need healing and help to try it out. In 2013 I had my daughter who is 7 years old an amazing young boss princess. She is strong beautiful and everything I wished for in a daughter. But while being pregnant in January of 2013 I lost my grandmother in which I heard of her passing from a phone call. My heat was broken while trying to get ready for the birth of my baby girl. (I felt like God was punishing me). I had to stop questioning him because

He’s not going to put anything on you that you can not bare.

 

 

That’s when I seek out therapy again and started speaking to people I started hearing from other mothers and things like that…I realized it not only happening to me it happens to a lot of mothers. That gave me a lot of COURAGE. A lot of parents where I work went through the same thing…

 

I just feel like if you don’t have a voice; you don’t speak out on what’s hurting you, you cant get help. If you’re in a deep spot how are you going to get out that spot if you don’t talk.

 

So that’s what may me want to get my license. I want to help the next person get out of their funk.

 

MK: What was the timeline between losing your mom and your first child/miscarriage?

 

AB: I lost my mom in 2007. At that time I was just getting out of high school. I graduated in 2006. My sister was had already moved to Long Beach going to FIDM and my mom and dad were separated. So I had SUPPORT ….with that my family pushed me to go back to school. I was in a relationship but was a long distance relationship he was going to school in Nebraska and I was still in LA but we were still young. We didn’t know we still be together today…At that time we didn’t have kids, we weren’t thinking about kids. We just focused on education and living life at that time. 2011 I moved St Louis and 2013 we had our first kid. I graduated out there but I didn’t like the atmosphere especially raising a family…I mean everybody there was just stagnant and there was no room for growth and the education field out there is terrible and I don’t’ want to raise my kid in this atmosphere. I am proud of where she comes from but I don’t want to be here so we moved back to LA 2014.

 

MK: When did you have your miscarriage and still birth?

 

AB: My miscarriage was January 2018 at 13 weeks. I found out after my 30th birthday in November 2018  I was pregnant again. I had a preterm birth…I was contracting and didn’t know….the baby didn’t make it and was born on March 18, 2019 1oz And then Another miscarriage April 10th 2020. A miscarriage is different from a still birth….. And a stillbirth is just a whole different experience and I mentally or physically ready for that.

 

MK: Can you talk more about your grief and your grieving process to healing? 

 I can’t say I have it all under CONTROL because it did break me

When I say I was at the lowest point…. I mean the lowest point

It just took something out of me that I didn’t know how I was going to get out of that funk. I say that because the miscarriage- I mean you get so excited about having a kid…And it wasn’t planned at all… you can’t plan for a kid….you can be rich and famous but

 

A kid needs love, they don’t need money, they need love

 

 I say that because The miscarriage- I mean you get so excited about having a kid…And it wasn’t planned at all… you can’t plan for a kid because life always happens …. you can be rich and famous but a kid needs love and a nurturing environment and if you can’t provide that don’t even bring a child into this world. If you’re not in a good place then its like “what are we doing?”  

you can get pregnant and you’re going to have issues in your relationship that’s a battle every one faces. But understand that A baby is not going to keep your relationship. for me I was excited because I was having a baby with a man Who loves me and I love him.  My second time being pregnant after 5 years is When I had to endure my first miscarriage I was excited right when I found out I was pregnant and then it just got to the point when I was like okay this is really happening. This is my reality right now so you start to change your lifestyle. I wasn’t running the streets and doing things I shouldn’t have been doing it was more like I need to get my mental state back together, make sure I’m focusing on my body , focusing on me, making sure I’m not doing too much…. Those types of things…..

​

 

​

​

 

 

The one thing that got me out of it was PRAYER.

 

MK: I’m trying to get to the questions but as your talking more things are coming up. Which is great. I am listening to your story it feels like the more trauma your body went through the stronger your mind and spirit got. Which is amazing because I know we are triune beings but they all work together….I feel like the spirit is the most important thing that needs to be exercised……

 

MK: When did you start your business with your sister?

AB: We started remodeling that in October 2019

 

MK: How did you two come up with the idea to do this business together?

AB: My sister always has  ideas...like every other day and last year she went to a seminar with some of her friends. One of the speakers there heard her vision and right then and there she said I have a space for you... I’m going to help you. I was like Let’s do it if this is what you want to do let’s go for it. There was a lot of work that went into just remodeling the place but it got done.

It’s not a huge place but it’s a starting point…no matter the finance or not you can’t let an opportunity like go away.

 

The boutique wasn’t the original idea due to city ordinances but they made it work and got some other black businesses involved…

 

AB: We have a nail polish line, we have soaps…..they’re up and coming little girls but this is what we want to push.

 

We want to push little black girls growing up the community being great because you don’t see that all the time.

 

We just want to get them have something they enjoy. For me as a parent, I don’t want my child to grow up more than she needs to. I don’t expose her to things she shouldn’t be exposed to. Because when she walks out this house she represents me and I represent her. Push parents to focus on their kids.

 

MK: What’s the biggest hurdle you’ve had to go through?

 

AB: The hurdle right now is getting our name out there. Its not that the market is saturated it just that when it comes to party boutiques people aren’t googling the party experience and when it comes to birthdays and young girls we want to offer the best experience possible to have that young girl feeling and looking her best. 

 

Right now with the shut down we don’t have foot traffic so we are pushing everything online… it was more so how are we going to work this? We had to brainstorm and keep the faith that failure is not an option. 

 

​

​

 

 

 

 

You Can't Live Your Life in Fear

​