How STRONG is your Support System

Support is defined by Webster to bear or hold up (a load, mass, structure, part, etc.); serve as a foundation for.

No one is meant to do life alone. This time has been one of the most difficult times in my life and I definitely feel like a lone ranger. Thinking that it had to be this way. There is a verse in the bible that says it is not good for man to be alone. Since having this time, people who were there before are no longer there, not that there not around or present.. they're just not there. It's like since my separation more and more people keep falling off or away. I'm like did I catch the "cooties" when he left? And I came to the conclusion that, people didn't want to be around because of what was going on within me.... the negativity. So I said, oh ok....defenses up. As a single mom, it's hard not to go into that mode...a mode that i swore i wouldn't go into finding out my husband was leaving...Here I am 2+ years later, armed more than ever. I've said all of this to say...its a dark road to travel, you can lose yourself on the path to finding yourself and I would hate for anyone to have to travel that road if given the choice..or at least a heads up.

"Don't lose yourself on the path to self discovery"

I've come to find that there's hope...The good thing is you can always find your way back. Like Albus Dumbledore of the Harry Potter series put it (yes, i love harry potter) : “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” While it is one's own responsibility to turn on the light, sometimes you need someone to remind or to help guide you to the light switch, to remind you and SAY "hey, you're going the wrong way" "the light is this way" or "that's not who you are" especially while you're in the dark. Some might even say that you support and /or encourage yourself, which is true or one might become co-dependent, yet there is balance.

A lot of times, especially in the black community,among black women (especially single ones) there's a sense of "I'll do it myself", with a sense of pride but sometimes it takes humility to say I need help or having people to help and receiving that help. To put an end to that type of belief and thought process I believe is so important for us to thrive as a people and a community to break cycles that so many of us have repeated.

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

To bear, to hold up ( hold down)...not just the trivial surface stuff but a load, a mass, to serve as a foundation. A foundation, a solid foundation is unbreakable even if the structure falls apart. Even if there's a crack, it can be repaired. However, a foundation that is made of sand, when the wind and waves come, it can not stand. Its time to rebuild..... from the ground up. I understand the importance of community support. People who can live with you and bear with you even if your "house" is a mess- with the understanding that this is OUR mess, not just yours to bear. There's a song by an artist named Trip Lee that's called "Bear With You" (an oldie but a goodie.) Someone once told me, "even if its just one person''. Some people find that support in a spouse, a sister, that really close friend, or significant other. Some may find it in community in church, group meetings, school, work...whatever it is. The important thing is to have a community, a strong community to support you no matter what...the good ,the bad, the ugly, the indifferent .... It may not mean that you agree on everything or believe that they have to understand, but to be there. Judgement FREE zone..it's an amazingly beautiful thing to experience and to have that. It's LIGHT...it's hope.